its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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