i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
