I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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