Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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