I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
