reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
