I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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