I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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