It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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