and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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