he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize