You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
