you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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