I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
