Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
