sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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