im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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