just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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