Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
