It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
