Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
