dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
