bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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