I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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