To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
