i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize