Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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