Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize