this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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