I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
