dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i drank out of a bidet.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
