I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
