I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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