I should be sponsored by Trojan
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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