First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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