this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
two words...techno handjob
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
