that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
