I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize