We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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