I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
