I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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