Sacagawea was the original milf.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
