Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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