I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
