DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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