He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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