Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
