Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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