Someone shit on the floor
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
