glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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