hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
