During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
