the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
