1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
