Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
