So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
