I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
