Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
