I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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