a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize