mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
