I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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