to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
