My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
