i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
