I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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