So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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