How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You can't motorboat a personality
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
