at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
