Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
