my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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