y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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