I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
