I can text with my tongue
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
