It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
