this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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