I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
