is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
