it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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