Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
