Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
