Where did you get a picture of my penis
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
