But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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