i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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