Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
