he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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