90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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