Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
