I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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