So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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