I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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