Say something about gay babies.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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