Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
