theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
