when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize