Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
