I heard we made out
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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