if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
