did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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